last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You smell like stripper and shame
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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