I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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