Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
