i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
