and you said cock pushups were impossible
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
