Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
