Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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