I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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