The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
