you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
