I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
