If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
