i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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