I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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