wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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