Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I am naked and annoyed.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
