I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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