Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You have to summon your inner elephant
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
