if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
