Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
