if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You pole danced in your parka.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
