I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
