I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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