just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Randomize
