I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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