please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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