i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
