Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
they're like a gay fantastic four
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
