I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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