if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
