Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
