My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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