We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
