I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
