Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
