The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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