this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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