i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
