I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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