Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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