Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
