it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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