Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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