u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
