the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
