Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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