I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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