I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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