It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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