Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
