Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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