if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
