He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
